A double bind is a dilemma in which an individual or group receives two or more reciprocally conflicting messages. In some scenarios this can be emotionally distressing, creating a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), such that the person responding will automatically be perceived as in the wrong, no matter how they respond.

Here are a couple double-binds in toxic religion:

You are a beloved child of God, AND you are a sinner, rejected by God and deserving of God’s wrath.

The double-bind is the dilemma is about whether God’s fundamental disposition toward you is love and acceptance, or rejection and disapproval. What should be your outlook on your “relationship with God”? Is it: I can rest in God’s love and acceptance OR I must strive to be better to remain in God’s favor. Even if you accept the salvation formula, God never actually accepts you but only accepts Jesus on your behalf.

Here’s another one:

Being a good Christian is being more like Christ AND only Jesus is God in the flesh, sinless, and perfect.

The double-bind is that the requirement of being a good Christian (which mean’s God’s approval) is to be more like Christ, AND being like Christ is not possible because only Jesus is sinless and perfect, and therefore the idea of fulfilling the admonition of being Jesus is both impossible and heretical.

Putting the two double-binds together, it might go like this:

God loves you in theory but God doesn’t and can’t love the real you because the real you is repulsive and rejected by God. However, God is willing to accept Jesus on your behalf which basically takes the real you out of the equation, and the part you can do in order to remain in good standing with God is to devote yourself to becoming like Jesus, which you will fail at doing because it is not possible, and were you to claim it was possible would be the greatest blasphemy against God.

Do you see the problem here?