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❤️ I Did Not Leave Jesus

First, I want to be clear: I did not leave Jesus.

In yoga, there’s a term for your primary spiritual love — the being who ignites devotion and awakens your soul. That term is Ishta Devata. It could be Jesus, Krishna, Yogananda — whoever awakens love within you.

For me, Jesus is still my Ishta Devata.
Second is Yogananda.

After 35 years of Christianity, Jesus changes you forever.
So I left Christianity, and I took Jesus with me.

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🌌 What NDEs and Mysticism Showed Me

Near-death and mystical experiences show that God is love, and the universe operates on the law of love — just like gravity operates on matter.

Love is the gravity of consciousness.

Everything is bound to what it loves.

These experiences show that we are not abandoned, not rejected, not eternally condemned — but learning, growing, experiencing contrast as expressions of Source.

God is the light behind our eyes, experiencing life through us.

Like a CEO who actually knows what it’s like to be the employee.

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⛓️ Why I Couldn’t Stay in the Institution

What I saw was a tradition that lost itself in dogma, certainty, and fear.

It lost its mystical roots.

When mysticism is removed, the adventure of the inner world is removed — the brave, authentic journey where truth leads wherever it leads.

But the religious spirit is afraid of that.

Ask too many questions and you risk hellfire.
Follow your experience and you’re told you’re wrong.

That is not relationship.
That is control.

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🔥 Why Hell Theology Broke It for Me

I hated the doctrine of eternal hell.
I hated believing everything must get worse because the book is “already written.”
That contradicts free will.

You can’t say the future is fixed and people are free at the same time.

And I hated believing humans are so disgusting that God had to torture and murder His own son.

The sacrificial love of Christ is beautiful.
Speaking truth to power is beautiful.
Laying down your life for others is beautiful.

But the theology that says we are inherently vile and deserving of torture?
That did not bring me peace. It felt wrong in my being.

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🌱 What the Bodhisattva Ideal Taught Me

Mahayana Buddhism and the Bodhisattva ideal changed me.

The idea that enlightenment is not complete until every soul is helped — that love does not abandon anyone — that no one is lost forever.

I wouldn’t be surprised if we return again and again to help others.

Because love doesn’t leave people behind.

Every soul deserves every chance, even if it takes many lifetimes.

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🧠 Why I Followed Truth Even When It Complicated Things

People ask why I didn’t just stay in progressive or mystical Christianity.

Because I’m not afraid to follow truth even if it creates uncertainty, even if it complicates theology, even if it dismantles tradition.

Near-death experiences were the final turning point.

They removed my fear of existence.

They taught that growth, learning, and awareness are the purpose — not punishment.

On the other side, nothing is hidden. Everything is known. There is no deception.

Here, we struggle — and that contrast teaches us to value light, love, and wisdom.

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🌠 Why I Reject Control-Based Faith

I was tired of being told:

Don’t ask.
Don’t imagine.
Don’t explore.
The book has all the answers.

I was tired of having my imagination policed.

No aliens.
No other worlds.
No bigger reality.

Just obedience and compliance.

That’s not faith.
That’s psychological containment.

And it kills the mystical instinct that has always driven human evolution.

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🔑 The Kingdom Was Never Outside

The kingdom is within.

Everything that has guided humanity forward has come through inner experience — not institutional control.

People fall in love with Christ because of what they experience in their hearts.

But when mystical experiences don’t match tradition, suddenly they’re invalid?

That’s not spiritual maturity.
That’s fear-based religion.

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🕊️ Why I Chose Mysticism

Mysticism doesn’t limit the soul.

There is no ceiling on consciousness.
No limit on experience.
No final destination where learning stops.

We are writing the story of how light meets darkness.

And every experience becomes wisdom.

Not punishment.
Not abandonment.
But growth.

That is the universe I recognize as love.

And that is why I chose mysticism